If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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