She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize