if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
