Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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