Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
