dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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