I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
