Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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