Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
