I want to have your abortion
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
