Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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