It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
