I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
