Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize