At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
