we have pet lesbian snakes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize