Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
