Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
