The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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