..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
