her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
