I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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