I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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