i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
