If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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