I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
