ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
