When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
