Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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