thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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