I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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