I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
