shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
