It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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