He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
