Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
