I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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