got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
love makes seman taste better
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
