Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
