i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
