I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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