Screwed.edu
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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