she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
