Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
