I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
