one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
