so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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