Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
