Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
