This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
