dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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