I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
