It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize