Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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