Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
