I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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