why do cheetos always look like penises
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
