FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Alive.
So much puke
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
