so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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