Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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