I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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