found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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