oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
