I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
