well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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