Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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