so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
