are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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