alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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