I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
