The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
