I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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