Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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