shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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