My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
