the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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