my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
