I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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