We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize