How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Randomize
