My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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