Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
