Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
