i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
