we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
