Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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