Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize