i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
