Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
