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So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize