If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
